For so many days I didnt blog. And I dont give a shit anymore.
Shit. I got back my common tests papers le. -lost for words- I'm like desperately looking for a word to describe it. No, describe ME. Pathetic.
Yes pathetic.
And since mid years I have been neglecting my studies. Too bad to those who thought I was a hard-core mugger. No. I AM NOT. I got like a frigging E8 for literature. First time getting so low. WTF.
And just now in class when I got my results, the sadness didnt really hit me instantly. Instantly, it was just. disappointment. Then the sadness started sinking in. Slowly and painfully. And then unknowingly I started tearing.
Shocking but true, I was actually laughing? I was tearing and laughing at the same time. I felt sad, but I just laughed. WTF. I dont have the slightest idea what I was laughing at. But I knew I was extremely dejected. 'EXTREMELY' cant describe it... in fact.
So I hereby sincerely apologise to Gigi. Since she says "When wei xuan is in a bad mood, she'll start cursing and scolding people she sees." Okay fine.
Anyway.
I rushed to the toilet and following me was Gigi. I didn't wanna cry, but I couldnt stop myself. Okay I didnt exactly cry. Just tears welling up in my eyes. Its just melancholy. I felt so... -indescribable-.
Its like a knife carving into your heart? Yeah I was very sad but I couldn't wipe that smile off my face. SOMEHOW. I have this feeling that my smile was betraying me. I knew that I felt sad (general term lah) deep inside but my smile had to betray me?
And yah like I cared about mian zi at that time even.
And to those who think that I will win you in EOY, all I can say now is just. I WILL NOT. Cause I have lost faith. In practically everything. I lost the motivation Gigi gave me earlier in the morning. EVERYTHING. It's just gone..
And I felt numb.
Okay anyway the above stuffs just sound very uh cheem to you. Sorry but I didnt know how to put my feelings into words. Not that I want you to entirely comprehend it either.
And Im not inserting any smileys.
So after that I got back my Math paper. I can't stand those muggers le. So I decided I'll just shut my mouth and not utter a single word. Since talking to them makes me feel utterly dumb.
Reccess. Its the first time I came so close to the thought of dying? Quite close indeed. You can ask my friends...I won't elaborate on this just in case anyone of you thinks the other way.
NVM.
English. I teared once again. YAY. This time round, it was more obvious. Okay I shall make it clear that I DIDNT CRY. I just teared. Tears just welled up. It came automatically. Just teared and couldnt stop. WTF. And no I was NOT smiling at that time. The tearing. IT JUST FRIGGING COULDNT STOP, yknow.
Reason? I felt like an idiot, fullstop. Of course it may sound damn idiotic to you. Somehow I had this weird feeling and I kinda shocked celeste and gigi by. tearing.
All in all, today's such a sad day with my stupid automatic tears. Damn. And btw, if next time you ever see my tearing, DON'T ever say "Cheer up lah". Who knows I might get scream my head off. AT YOU. Sorry, just a warning.
Just that the filming of News102 after school cheered me up quite a bit. Okayokay I shall update a bit since I havent blogged for so long. We have this News Team in 102. Not going to say "LOL". And I dont feel like elaborating. Sorry, this pragraph is simply to piss my readers off to relief my bad mood.
Yes I dont feel like blogging anymore.
BYE. And I just can't resist the temptation of calling you a sucker. Yes, you reader. Sucker! :)
CAUSE I AM A FAILED PERSON.
Shit. I got back my common tests papers le. -lost for words- I'm like desperately looking for a word to describe it. No, describe ME. Pathetic.
Yes pathetic.
And since mid years I have been neglecting my studies. Too bad to those who thought I was a hard-core mugger. No. I AM NOT. I got like a frigging E8 for literature. First time getting so low. WTF.
And just now in class when I got my results, the sadness didnt really hit me instantly. Instantly, it was just. disappointment. Then the sadness started sinking in. Slowly and painfully. And then unknowingly I started tearing.
Shocking but true, I was actually laughing? I was tearing and laughing at the same time. I felt sad, but I just laughed. WTF. I dont have the slightest idea what I was laughing at. But I knew I was extremely dejected. 'EXTREMELY' cant describe it... in fact.
So I hereby sincerely apologise to Gigi. Since she says "When wei xuan is in a bad mood, she'll start cursing and scolding people she sees." Okay fine.
Anyway.
I rushed to the toilet and following me was Gigi. I didn't wanna cry, but I couldnt stop myself. Okay I didnt exactly cry. Just tears welling up in my eyes. Its just melancholy. I felt so... -indescribable-.
Its like a knife carving into your heart? Yeah I was very sad but I couldn't wipe that smile off my face. SOMEHOW. I have this feeling that my smile was betraying me. I knew that I felt sad (general term lah) deep inside but my smile had to betray me?
And yah like I cared about mian zi at that time even.
And to those who think that I will win you in EOY, all I can say now is just. I WILL NOT. Cause I have lost faith. In practically everything. I lost the motivation Gigi gave me earlier in the morning. EVERYTHING. It's just gone..
And I felt numb.
Okay anyway the above stuffs just sound very uh cheem to you. Sorry but I didnt know how to put my feelings into words. Not that I want you to entirely comprehend it either.
And Im not inserting any smileys.
So after that I got back my Math paper. I can't stand those muggers le. So I decided I'll just shut my mouth and not utter a single word. Since talking to them makes me feel utterly dumb.
Reccess. Its the first time I came so close to the thought of dying? Quite close indeed. You can ask my friends...I won't elaborate on this just in case anyone of you thinks the other way.
NVM.
English. I teared once again. YAY. This time round, it was more obvious. Okay I shall make it clear that I DIDNT CRY. I just teared. Tears just welled up. It came automatically. Just teared and couldnt stop. WTF. And no I was NOT smiling at that time. The tearing. IT JUST FRIGGING COULDNT STOP, yknow.
Reason? I felt like an idiot, fullstop. Of course it may sound damn idiotic to you. Somehow I had this weird feeling and I kinda shocked celeste and gigi by. tearing.
All in all, today's such a sad day with my stupid automatic tears. Damn. And btw, if next time you ever see my tearing, DON'T ever say "Cheer up lah". Who knows I might get scream my head off. AT YOU. Sorry, just a warning.
Just that the filming of News102 after school cheered me up quite a bit. Okayokay I shall update a bit since I havent blogged for so long. We have this News Team in 102. Not going to say "LOL". And I dont feel like elaborating. Sorry, this pragraph is simply to piss my readers off to relief my bad mood.
Yes I dont feel like blogging anymore.
BYE. And I just can't resist the temptation of calling you a sucker. Yes, you reader. Sucker! :)
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