beyond salvation

"I like him. But he did not like me. He liked another girl which he thought was much better than me, much prettier, much more intelligent and has a great sense of humor, which I do not. The love for him I had was not sweet neither was it smooth-going. I often had to witness him talking to her and smiling to her sweetly. Jealousy secretly crept up onto me. I could not bear seeing those scenes. I was often found waking up in mid of late nights and sobbing when I tried closing my eyes. Times like that, I cried to sleep. But i could not do anything, except to stand by him and loving him secretly. I even forced myself to treat that girl as my sister. I was silly enough to think that in that way, that he could have ever-lasting happiness. I was known to him as a best friend. A friend who was very close to him. I was one that he can trust his secrets with. But I am definitely not one he could fall for. One day, he called me up. Telling me with sobs in between that the girl he admired went out with another guy. He was sad. I knew I was supposed to be sad too. But happiness uncontrollably overwhelmed me. I was elated as I knew I had the chance of going near him. He was in midst of one of his worst times, so I took the chance of comforting him. Two weeks went by... I was confident of myself and I decided to confess my love for him. He looked dull. He did not even notice me when I stood at one side, admiring his moves. I went up, feeling tense. The confident me that I had thought turned into a worried one. Many questions raced through my mind. Will he accept me? Will he be shocked? Will he avoid me? I could not think that much. I dragged my feet towards him. He was sitting on a high chair sipping his coffee and looking distracted. I went up and confessed. He looked up at me, I was totally rejected by him. Seeing me in doubts, he said that I could never be the girl he was finding for. He apologized and went off, leaving me broken-hearted. I did not know in what way I was inferior to her. I broke down and cried. I took a step back and paused to think hard. Do I really love him? Why should I go to the extent of loving someon be in this torturous way? I asked myself in silent-Will I ever die for him? Last time, I thought that I would never die for a guy, dying for a guy is foolish. But now, I would. I would do anything just for him to be happy. I do not mind who he go out with. I blamed myself for being rush. To confess to him. It was a one-sided love. He did not like me. I should not fall in so deep. But now time I cannot go back in time to make up for my mistake. I do not mind dying for him, instead I will feel contented to relieve his pain if my death helped. Is that called true love? Is that something I have been looking for aimlessly?"

I ♥ this!

Adapted from my friend's blog. WTHELL...