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Just read the last question!!***
(WARNING: THIS IS SOO DAMN FUNNY!)
Next time you’re on an elevator and feel alittle bored, liven up the moment with some of these insightful ideas. Guaranteed to make heads turn or your money back.
When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Swat at flies that don’t exist.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, “I have new socks on.”
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is my personal space!”
Fart loudly then exclaim “Was that you. There’s no way I could do that one because unfortately mine don’t come out loud.”
Before the elevator door opens shout “DING” and then laugh and say “beat you again Mr Elevator.”Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls whilst pretending to not hear the other passenger’s direction.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “that’s mine!”
Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.
(p/s: tag to comment which you think is the funniest!! xD)
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9 WORDS WOMEN USE
1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman an can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3. Then you RUN!
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As I got new fish for my birthday, my father asked me to name it. After going through a lst of ridiculous names, i finally made up my mind. "This fish shall be called Sparingly" I declared,
"it is written on this can of fish food: FEED SPARINGLY THREE TIMES A DAY"
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What is intelligence?
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said.
"What do you mean, ?intelligence'?"The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand.
The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence."
"What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
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Mommy mommy
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!
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